You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
