So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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