Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
