Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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