Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
