If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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