I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
