I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
