with your own penis?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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