I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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