we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
