Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
