His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
