just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
should my penis look like a turkey
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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