Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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