its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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