If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
