HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
