I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
