so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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