And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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