well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
