I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
do herpes really smell.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
