if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
