it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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