Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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