i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
