the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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