Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
