Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
