Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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