Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
