So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
