I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
