i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
