Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
