He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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