his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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