I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
