i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
you are never too drunk for berry picking
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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