Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
