I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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