So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
