I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
