Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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