I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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