i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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