I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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