Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
