There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
