"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
