I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
this just has baby written all over it
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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