I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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