I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
