so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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